Labor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head." There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby? s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said. The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark! !!"

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

"There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the babys white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.

The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark! !!"

heard this on the radio yesterday:
WBGL... Broadcasting God's Love in East-Central Illinois, West-Central Indiana... and now, North-Central Uzbekistan!
Ms. Single Mother is drowning 100 feet from shore.
Mr. Republican comes by. He throws her a 50 foot rope, and says he's done his share, now she needs to do her part and meet him half way.
Mr. Democrat comes by. He thows her a 200 foot rope, then drops his end.
- Tony Compolo (heard on the radio)
"We are a two-party system, so some day Labor will win. Our job is to hang on until they are sane." - Margaret Tatcher, 1987
"After losing in 1992, Labor decided to try sanity, installing Blair as leader." - George Will.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is more...

Monday is Labor Day, and I hear Paris Hilton is spending the weekend canoodling with some boyfriends for the last time.

Because Paris knows the rule – you can’t sleep with whites after Labor Day.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: more...

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the more...