Legs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs? Her knickers fit her like a glove!

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the more...

A man, vacationing on a small Caribbean island, settled down on the beach for a day of sunbathing. He unintentionally fell asleep and when he awoke several hours later, he noticed that his legs were badly sunburned. Hardly able to stand the pain, he went to see a doctor.
After examining the man's legs, the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but since this is only a small village clinic, I really don't have very much to help you. However, try this," and he gives the man one Viagra tablet.
"Doctor, I have an acute sunburn," the man said, "what is a Viagra tablet going to do?"
"Nothing at all for the sunburn," replied the doctor, "but it will help to keep the sheets off of your legs tonight."

A lonely explorer is lost in the jungle and gets caught by a tribe of cannibals.
He is brought to the chief who speaks his judgement:
You shall be eaten alive!
Unless you succeed in the three tests of liberty!
The guy naturely agrees to perform the tests, for it is his last hope of escape.
The Chief sentences hil to the test of the jungle:
"First, you go in first hut and drink everything".
"Then, you go in second hut, and break legs of lion!"
"Last, you go in third hut and bring oldest tribe member (130 years old) to orgasm."
The explorer enters the first hut and drinks 3 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of whisky and a crate of beer.
After an hour he comes out, drunk as never before, and stumbles into the second hut.
Suddenly hell breaks loose. Dust flies around, and the hut shakes wildly from left to right.
The cannibals fear that their supper is being eaten by the lion, and just before they decide to kill the more...

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw open the door. Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts.Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender pale skin. From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits.The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin. My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body.I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came more...

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'A girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, 'There comes a time when even the best of friends must part.'