Less Jokes / Recent Jokes

*The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation. This was serious, and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II - a mere 54 years ago!

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point.

The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older more...

Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Hawaiian Rules Of J. W.: 1) Never judge a day by the weather. 2) The best things in life aren't things. 3) Tell the truth; there's less to remember. 4) Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt. 5) Goals are deceptive; the unaimed arrow never misses. 6) He who dies with the most toys, still dies. 7) Age is relative; when you're over the hill, you pick up speed. 8) There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less. 9) Beauty is internal; looks mean nothing. 10) No rain, no rainbows.
Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
Hinds' Law Of Computer Programming: 1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3) If a program is useless, it will have to be more...

The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your more...

The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.

The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.

The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

The most interesting results happen only once.

The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever.

First, these basics

Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as every engineer knows,
Power is Work over Time.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5).

Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS more...

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the' other man'. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover: Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next. The' other man' was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent the following reply: Dear Sir, I have received a copy of the your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your office's auditorium.