Limit Jokes / Recent Jokes
A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?""Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.""Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle more...
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.
Attorney General John Ashcroft was speaking at an elementary school about rights and freedoms in America. 'Any questions,' he asked. A little boy raised his hand. 'My name is Billy, and I have two questions. First, why are you using the Patriot Act to limit American's civil liberties? Second, why haven't any weapons of mass destruction been found in Iraq?' Just then the bell rang, and Ashcroft stated, 'We'll resume after recess.'
Recess ended and Ashcroft again asked, 'Are there any questions? A little girl raised her hand. 'My name is Julie, and I have four questions. First, why are you using the Patriot Act to limit American's civil liberties? Second, why haven't any weapons of mass destruction been found in Iraq? Third, why did the recess bell ring ten minutes early? Fourth, where's Billy?'
Aman was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he? d outpace the cop, the man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car? s speed rose to sixty, then seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket. The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said:? Listen, Mister, I have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I? ll let you go.? The man thought for a moment and said:? Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were that officer and were trying to give her back to me.? No ticket.