Limit Jokes / Recent Jokes

An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!" A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!" Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now." An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed." Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department." On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer more...

The 2000 Darwin awards!

(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.

The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0. 14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.

(11 August 1999) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his more...

A state police officer observed a car puttering along the highway at only 22 m.p.h. He turned on his lights and pulled the car over. Approaching the vehicle, he noticed that it contained five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, and that all the old ladies were wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going exactly the speed limit. What's the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? I'm following the posted speed exactly!"
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. Embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked him for pointing out her error. Before letting her go, however, the officer asked, "Is everyone in the car okay? Those women more...

(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below. The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0. 14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.(11 August 1999) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure more...

GLN (Good-Looking Nerd): "Can I help you?"
MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman): "Do you know how fast you were
going, boy?"
GLN: "I'm not sure. The needle doesn't reach the high numbers very well.
I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85."
MHP: "You were going 84 miles an hour."
GLN: "See, I was close. I must've been going uphill."
MHP: "What was that?"
GLN: "Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?"
MHP: "I'm going to have to give you a ticket, boy."
GLN: "No thank you."
MHP: "What was that?"
GLN: "If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon you keep your
ticket. I don't really have any use for one."
MHP: "Don't try to weasel your way out of this, boy. I'm going to
give you a ticket."
GLN: "What for?"
MHP: "WHAT FOR??? Speeding, that's more...

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the more...

An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"
A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
On a store more...