Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was.
“My computer keeps telling me I have mail! ”

George Carlin
Ads in Bills:
Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills
now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Cripes
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Morning Differences:
Men and women are different in more...

A husband and wife are sitting at the kitchen table making their Chrstmas List. They finish and the husband goes to work and the wife decides to go shopping.

The next day the grocery boy comes to the door and the wife says "Here is you Christmas present, Merry Christmas." Then the milk man comes to the door and she says the same thing.

Then the mail man comes to the door and she says "Why don't you come in for a little while"

So the milk man goes in and the wife goes upstairs. The milk man follows her to the bedroom. She strips off her clothes and lays spread eagle on the bed and says "Well don't you want to fuck me?" The mail man looks around, takes off his clothes and they start fucking.

Well, the husband comes into the room and asks "What the hell are you doing?" and the wife replies "What you told me to do, Fuck the Mail Man."

My friend Ozelui works in the Computer Center of the Campus of San Sebastian in the University of the Basque Country. And a Student wrote this in a file in the PC's Network that Ozelui found, and here it is: DIFFERENT WAYS OF TAKING CARE OF YOUR DISKS ------------------------------------------- ORIGAMI: Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive with strength and without pointing at all. SMOKE: Of cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking blow directly to your disk. In that way you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well. PIRANHAS: If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. MAGNETS: They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the fridge door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your more...

George Carlin
Ads in Bills:
Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills
now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Cripes
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Morning Differences:
Men and women are different in more...

George CarlinAds in Bills:Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your billsnow? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
Fabric Softener:My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
CripesMy wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly.' I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Morning Differences:Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up more...

Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary as part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then more...