Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

you know 56k means' reliable 33. 6' and 33. 6 means' reliable 28. 8' and so forth.

you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.

you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.

you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.

you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.

you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.

you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.

you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you more...

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
1, 392:

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently,

4 to complain that they were happy with the old one,

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs,

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs,

53 to flame the spell checkers,

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list,

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames,

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt. lite. bulb,

203 to demand that cross posting to alt. grammar, alt. spelling and alt. more...

BANTA SINGH happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
"Ek Punjab Mail dena" (give me one for the Punjab Mail), demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, "Ikk Punjab female
dena.". ,
"What do you mean by Punjab female? "asked the cierk.
"It is for my wife," replied Banta Singh.

A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for the mailman to make his rounds.

A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."

[This is an original creation except as noted below]
[For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
a signature seen on the net.]
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
unactivated disks for backup more...

There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line "Free Money," DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR.
Once a computer is infected, it will be TOO LATE. Your computer will begin to emit a vile ODOR. Then it will secrete a foul, milky DISCHARGE. Verily, it shall SCREECH with the tortured, monitor-shattering SCREAM of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike. After violently ripping itself from the wall, your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS into the night, HOWLING like a BANSHEE. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days TORTURING household PETS and MOCKING the POPE.
Some filthy, disgusting miscreant... some no-good, low-down, good-for-nothing DIRTY SNAKE, in twisted pursuit of her own more...

one day there was this blond and she got on her computer and it said "
you got mail"
so she went outside and checked her mail and she didnt have any.
so she went back inside and got back on her computer and for the 2nd time her computer said "
you got mail"
so she went back outside and she sitll didnt have any mail.
so she got back on for the 3rd time "
you got mail"
so when he went back outside he een that she still didnt have any mail, and the guy nextdoor was mowing his lawn and he was watching her everytime she went to check her mail, so he aked her why do u keep on checking your mail its sunday she said "
the computer keep telling me that i have mail.the guy said no it meens that you have mail on your computer.shes like ooooooooo i thought it ment that i had mail in my mailbox.thanx how cani ever thank you you can start by aying thank you then you can mow my lawn...