Marriage Jokes / Recent Jokes
Shane Warne and Simone had been married for more than 10 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that Shane had a secret shoe box under the bed.
When they first got married Shane said,"I am putting a shoe box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 10 years of marriage, Simone had never looked. However on the afternoon of their 10th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81, 874. 25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box she was doubly curious why there even was such a box with such contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner Simone could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed saying "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box more...
Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg recently got married. Which will be the last time he'll ever get a ring.
Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.
1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.
2. Men: to prepare for paternity, go the local drug store, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper and read it for the last time.
3. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their more...
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off more...
If you love something, set it free.If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place -- you either married it or gave birth to it!
This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will
you marry me?" After about six seconds of' careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a more...