Mayor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eric Shroyer an 18-year-old from Munice, Indiana is running to be his town’s mayor. If elected, Shroyer will focus on issues such as poverty, pollution, and Madden 2007.

The woman called to her husband from the kitchen of the Texas ranch and said, "Bruno, would you please get the car and drive the kids to the back yard so they can play?"
In the days of the Old West, bar fights would often spill over into the street and before anyone knew what happened, it was a full-scale riot.
In one such town, the Mayor wired the Texas Rangers for help. On the next train, a Ranger gets off and is greeted by the astonished Mayor.
"They only sent one Ranger???"
The Ranger straightened his hat, brushed the dust from his coat, and replied, "Y'all only got one riot, right?"
A Texan was dictating his will to his lawyer: "To my son I leave the sum of five million dollars, and he's damn lucky I didn't cut him off entirely."

Jimmy was a very poor boy and he wanted a toy he could call his own. So he sent off a letter to God, imploring the almighty to use divine intervention on his behalf and send him $20 so he could buy the toy.
A well meaning postal clerk forwarded the letter to city hall where it eventually landed on the Mayor's desk. The mayor pulled out a Five dollar bill, wrote a note, and sent it off to the boy.
When the envelope arrived, Jimmy's face got red with rage and he wrote back to God, "Thanks for the twenty dollars, but next time don't send it through City Hall. Those fuckers kept seventy-five percent in taxes."

PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKINGWhenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.- Mariah CareyQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contestResearchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22I haven't committed a crime.What I did was fail to comply with the law.- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've more...

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadn't, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. more...

Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
" The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he more...