Memory Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe.

"Yes," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. Thedoctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What isthree times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What'sthree times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How didyou get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters –

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you`ve forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can`t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your more...

A study says that drinking blueberry juice can improve a person's memory. There is a little catch though: You first have to remember what kind of juice to buy.

1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Fourty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 498. Q: And where is milepost 498? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? more...

What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy more...