Minister Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He plowed a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided more...

So these two men arrive in heaven at the same time. Saint Peter asks them to step forward and give their name and occupation. The first man steps up and says, "I'm Jim Walzcek, Taxi Driver.

Saint Peter reviews his list, "Ah, yes". Hands him a silk robe, hands him a gold staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The next man steps forward and says," I'm Gene Nelson and I was a Lutheran minister for 43 years".

Saint Peter reviews his list,' Ah, yes". Hands him a cotton robe, passes him a wooden staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The minister, looking a bit taken aback, says, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful but the man in front of me received silk and gold".

Saint Peter replied, "We judge by results. While you preached people slept, while he drove people prayed.

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?""Noooo, I have not, Reverend."The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

During Rajiv Gandhi's term as prime minister a group of Congress(I) MPs was comparing notes with one another. As usual their chief occupation was who was nazdeek (close) to the prime minister and who had been replaced by whom in the inner circles. Asked one of another, who seemed to know the comings and goings on Race Course Road:' Have you seen the Prime Minister recently?'
'Arre kahan! You ring and ring and no appointment is given. "Too busy" is all that his secretaries say.'
'But surely, you know him well enough to walk into the kothi without an appointment!'
'Those days are gone,' replied the other sadly,' now its battalions outside and Italians inside.'

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations.
The minister says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps.
The priest uses a similar method. He draws the circle, but whatever lands outside the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands inside, he keeps.
The rabbi has a slightly different method of dividing the money. He throws all the money up in the air. Whatever God wants, he keeps.

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head.
Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister more...

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an alter boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the alter boy more...