Minister Jokes / Recent Jokes

A rabbi, a protestant minister and a catholic priest and a baptist preacher were discussing religion.
The rabbi said: "Let's be honest with each other. We all have our vices. For instance, I'm not supposed to eat ham or pork - but i love them!"
The protestant minister said, "Well, I do have one vice - I like to drink. In fact, I get pissed from time to time."
The catholic priest said, " I'll be honest. I like girls. I like to get laid at least once a week."
They looked at the baptist preacher. "Haven't you got any vices?" they asked.
"Well, only one," he said. "I like to gossip!"

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

Our local PBS outlet here has been showing a series of
Joseph Campbell lectures, as they always do when it's
time to wring a little money out of the viewers. On a
recent episode, the late Professor Campbell was talking
about the time when life begins, and he told this little
story:
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi
were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth,
because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is
capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
"You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins
when the children have graduated from college and moved out of
the house..."

A minister of government whose knowledge of English was very poor was provided with a secretary to write speeches for him.' Give me a fifteen-minute speech on the non-aligned movement,' ordered the boss.
The text was prepared to last exactly fifteen minutes. But when the minister proceeded to make his oration, it took him half an hour to do so. The organisers of the conference were upset because their schedule went awry. And the minister was upset because his secretary had let him down. He upbraided him:' I asked for a fifteen minute speech; you gave me a half-hour speech. Why?', he demanded.
'Sir, I gave a fifteen minute speech. But you read out its carbon copy as well.'

A deal was struck between an industrialist and a government minister for the sanction of a licence for Rs. ten lakhs to be paid in cash. A note sanctioning the issue of licence was prepared and put up to the minister for his signature.

The industrialist, not being sure of the minister's intentions, brought Rs. five lakhs and handed them over to the minister's secretary - the remaining five to be paid on issue of the licence.

The file came back with the minister's remark:' Not accepted.'

The industrialist promptly paid the remaining five lakhs and the file was taken back to the minister who simply added the letter' E' to the' not':' Note accepted.'

...'Well, it wasn't that tragic. Soon after that, I started seeing another man who performed in the circus. He was really a great guy, but he lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a net.Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was killed.''Your second husband was killed too?!!? That's horrible!''Yes, it was terrible, but at the funeral I fell in love with the minister and we got married soon after that. Unfortunately, one Sunday while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed.''Three??? Three husbands of yours were killed? How could you live through all that?''It was pretty tough, but then I met my present husband. And he's a wonderful man. I think we'll live a long happy life together.''And what does your present husband do for a living?''He's a mortician.''A mortician? I don't understand something here. First you marry a banker, then a more...

Fortunately, there were no embarrassing moments at this dinner unlike a few years ago when George Bush asked India's prime minister how he would like his steak cooked.