Minister Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old miser, because of his exceptional thrift, had no friends. Just before he died he called his doctor, lawyer and minister together around his bedside. "I always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said. "I have $90, 000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three envelopes of $30, 000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me you throw the envelopes in."

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said, "I don't feel exactly right, I am going to confess, I needed $10, 000 badly for a new church we are building, so I took out $10, 000 and threw only $20, 000 in the grave."

The doctor said, "I, too, must confess. I am building a clinic and took $20, 000 and threw in only $10, 000."

The lawyer said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked and ashamed of more...

Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the' Bible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!"
The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded' Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers."
Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

A man goes up to the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What should I do?"
"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object. "Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again, the minister noticed. "Who is your more...

Once Upon A Time An Indian Minister Was Going To Meet An American Minister The Next Day! Then. ....... An Anglo-Indian Told Him That You Go There And Say:"How Are You?" He Said That After That He Will Say "I Am Fine!" Then You Say "Mee Too" When He Went There Instead Of Saying That "How Are You?" He Said "Who Are You?" Then Minister Replied'I Am Hillary's Husband" He Said "Me Too"

A man was seated next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."
The man then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know there was a choice."

My uncle spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 Commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he went to talk to the minister.

He said to the minister, "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"

My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

Three men, a doctor, a minister, and a lawyer take a fishing boat out onto the ocean. A terrible storm arises, and the boat takes a great quantity of water. Fearing that they will all die, they decide that one of them must jump into the shark infested waters so that the other two may live.
The minister volunteers, saying that God will take care of him. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
More water comes into the boat. They decide that one of the two remaining people must jump in. The doctor says "I have spent my entire life healing people, certainly I will survive the ocean." He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
A person is walking along the shore line. He sees the boat being pushed by sharks onto the shore. It reaches the shore, and the lawyer steps out calmly. The man runs to the lawyer, and says "hey, what was that all about?"
The lawyer says "Professional courtesy."