Months Jokes / Recent Jokes
Girlfriend in Tokyo writes:
'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am six
months gone. Shall I carry Harry or commit
hara-kiri?'
This Japanese tale proves the adage:' The road to
hell is paved with faulty contraception.'
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she more...
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." The woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear." "That's what I want!" Exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" The doctor asks. "Terrible!" The lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" Asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" She hollers. "Lady," the doctor retorts, more...
An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main. Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile. The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.
"I want to speak to the manager," he demanded.
"I'm sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn't in today. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"You're damn right there is," he sputtered, his anger gushing out like urine in a pub. He reached into his pants pocket, extracted a tattered wallet and slammed it down on the counter. "I bought this piece of shit here only two months ago and now look at it. It's falling apart. Forty-nine ninety-five it cost me! Forty-nine ninety-five," he added for more emphasis. "Can you believe that?" His face was getting redder.
The clerk wasn't sure what to say to him. She only hoped the top of his head stayed put. She picked up the wallet more...
Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak. Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to more...