Mountain Jokes / Recent Jokes
On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
- Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.
After one hour the same man sees the same police car driving downhill backwards again.
- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?
- We found a place to make a u-turn up there.
Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.
The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.
Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.
Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.
The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?
"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing...
"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...
Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing... "You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...
REAL QUESTIONS ASKED IN SCIENCE CLASSES
Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?
Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific).
How can the river be flowing north? That`s uphill!
How can mass wasting be an agent of landscape formation on the Moon? The Moon has no gravity!
How do I get water into this beaker?
There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and more...
When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help? When he's hanging by his teeth.
A woman and her husband decided to go on a skiing trip one weekend. They rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and were preparing to go down. The woman suddenly announced that she needed to use the restroom, and NOW. Her husband told her that since the coast was clear, she could just hide behind a tree and go.
Well, the woman had her pants down around her ankles when she suddenly began going down the mountain. She hit a tree on the way down and broke her leg and her arm and had several other bumps and bruises.
When she awoke at the hospital, she was surprised to see another man who was dressed in a skiing outfit and also looked as if he had been in a skiing accident. The woman was very curious about this man, so she asked him what happen.
You'll never believe it, he told her. I was just skiing down the mountain, and a woman went by with her pants around her ankles, and I crashed into a bush.