Mountain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mountain bikes don't have parents.
Mountain bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Mountain bikes don't care about professional sports.
Mountain bikes don't care if other mountain bikes look at you.
Mountain bikes don't care if you look at other mountain bikes.
If your mountain bike is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
You don't have to be jealous of other women coveting your mountain bike.
Your mountain bike never wants a night out with the other mountain bikes.
Mountain bikes don't care what you wear.
Mountain bikes don't feel their bikehood is threatened if you insist on driving.
If your mountain bike doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.
You don't have to worry about where your mountain bike has been before you met it.

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know," said the manager. "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of continuous improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems and we'll be on our way."
"No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."
"Wait," said the software engineer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push more...

Sally, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, more...

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why dont you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

A man is driving up a steep narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same steep narrow mountain road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, â??BITCH!!â??
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he runs into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.................

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.
Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.
They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the
meal and, of course, Mike said he would.
About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."
Sally replied, "I don't more...

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there

If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number

If you measure distance in hours

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once

If you have switched from' heat' to' A/C' and back again in the same day

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave the doors unlocked, you probably live in Oregon...

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction

If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash

If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee

If you know more people who own boats than air more...