News Jokes / Recent Jokes

I heard that they got all of the Sadam look-alikes together and told them that they have some good news and some bad news.
The good news was that Sadam survived the bombings, so they all still had jobs.
One of the look-alikes asked,
"What's the bad news?"
The bad news, they were told, was that he lost an arm and an eye.

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face."
"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on."
"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it."
"Thank you." Monica Lewinsky

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark." Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened. "The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. "The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. "The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed more...

What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica have in common???
They both blew the big one.

Trying to win over the liberals in his congregation, the right wing preacher said at the end of his sermon, "And if a plane went down carrying the leaders of both parties, in that act, whom do you thing the good Lord will have saved?"
A small voice from somewhere in the congregation said, "The country?"