Offer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity. ”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch? ” he asked.

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 years-old. Hateful little dog. - ---------------------------------Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog----------------------------------Free Puppies: Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog----------------------------------German Shepherd - 85lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free!----------------------------------1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer----------------------------------Amana Washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed. - ---------------------------------Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. - ---------------------------------2 Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15. - ---------------------------------Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6, 800. - ---------------------------------83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2, 000----------------------------------Star Wars Job of the Hut -- more...

CARSON CITY, Nev., Dec. 23 (UPI) - A legal brothel outside Carson City, Nev. is offering first-time elected officials a 99 percent discount to help them avoid the kind of scandal that could cost Bill Clinton the presidency.
Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunnyranch, says his longtime clientele includes a number of prominent U.S. senators and congressmen "who don't want to risk their political careers by having extra-marital sex with women who blab." The brothel promises strict confidentiality.
Hof said today he persuaded his employees, who are independent contractors, to go along with the offer, which expires when Clinton's Senate impeachment trial ends.
He got the idea while attending a Christmas party thrown by publisher Larry Flynt.
The "Hustler" publisher announced last week that he had uncovered evidence of extramarital affairs by several GOP congressmen, and planned to publish it.
Hof said, "What's this world come to when Larry more...

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior.8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog
German Shepherd - 85lbs.Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub - $850/offer
Amana Washer $100.Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale.Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6,800.
83 Toyota Hunchback - $2,000
Star Wars Job of the Hut - $15
Soft & Genital Bath Tissuesor Facial Tischue - $.89
Full-Sized Mattress20 Year WarrantyLike New! Slight urine smell.
FREE 1 Can of Pork & BeansWith Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
Nordic Track $300Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
Bill's Septic Cleaning"We Haul American Made more...

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to' love, honor and obey' and' forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" Th e groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned more...

Safeway has made a $1.7 billion offer for Vons markets. Says Bob Mills,
"The amount of the bid became public after a checkout clerk was overheard
yelling 'Price check on the company!'"
He adds, "the original offer was $2 billion, but then Safeway pulled out
a huge stack of double-value coupons."

No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436. 600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437. 060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.). All bees more...