Offer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

In a ancient country the king decided to marry of his daughter to the son of the king of the neighboring kingdom. And so a deal was made and the very young couple married. The honeymoon was spent in the castle of the groom. The king not being sure of the knowledge of the fair sex decided to spend one of his lackeys to spy on the couple and report as to what took place.

The next day the lackey reported. Sire I peeked through the keyhole and heard the young maiden say: sir I offer you my honor. Your son replied with madam, I honor your offer. and that's how it went through the night, Honor, offer, honor, offer

Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436. 140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974) No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436. 600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for more...

A greenhorn, not familiar with the manners of city folk, happened to be spending his holidays with his uncle in Lucknow. During his stay, there was a death in the neighbouring house. The uncle decided to take his nephew along to the bereaved family to offer his condolences. In proper Lucknawi style, the uncle began to extol the virtues of the dead man:' He was a great soul. He was not only your chachaji but the chachaji of our entire mohalla. May his soul rest in peace! We will miss him as long as we live,' And so on. Our greenhorn maintained a stiff-lipped silence.
Back home, the uncle reprimanded his nephew.' Don't they teach you manners at home? You should also have said something about the dead man being like your own real chachaji.'
The lad apologized saying he had never been to a condolence meeting before but would bear the advice in mind.
A few weeks later, a friend of the greenhorn lost his wife and he decided to offer his condolences in the formula prescribed.' more...

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.''
4. ''... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.''
5. ''... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve''
6. ''Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.''
7. ''Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.''
8. ''When I asked him about his more...

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool. The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked. The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give--for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why more...

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with anunusual offer." Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When youget to me and the part where I'm to promise to' love, honor and obey'and' forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciateit if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved tothat part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comestime for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you willnot ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do." Then, he more...