Order Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ram Lal walked into a bar and ordered a large brandy for himself and drinks for everyone in the bar.' And have one for yourself,' he said grandly to the owner of the bar.
Half-an-hour later the order was repeated: a large brandy for himself and drinks for everyone in the bar and one for the owner of the bar!
Ram Lai carried on like this all evening, every half hour, ordering drinks all round - and one for the owner of the bar, who eventually became concerned about the size of the bill. So when Ram Lal gave his ninth gigantic order, the owner said,' I hope you don't mind my mentioning it, sir, but your bill now amounts to Rs. 1, 687 and 50 paisa.
'Does it?' said Ram Lal.' Well, I'm sorry about that, because I haven't got a paisa on me!'
The owner leapt over the counter in fury and grabbed Ram Lal by the throat; he slapped him on the face, kicked him on the shins, and finally hurled him out through the door where he landed in a gutter.
The following evening, the more...

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask prices of everything on the menu and then order something that you did not ask the price for.
3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11: 30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said' 'May I take your more...

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

If Microsoft Ran The IRS "Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise). - The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May. - Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements. - In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property. - When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices. - When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you more...

The Center for Opponent Neutralization (C.O.N.)Tonya Harding Presents... Get tired every softball season loosing to the same team with all the big sluggers year in and year out? Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant tennis-playing friend of yours with his killer serve? Haven't you had enough of that annoying golf buddy who always seems to shoot in the low 80's against you? Just tired of always loosing to someone better than you? Let us do the dirty work for you at the... Tonya Harding Center For Opponent NeutralizationThat's right, for a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success.Check out our price list:Blow to the knee... $99.95Blow to both knees (a better buy)... $149.95Blow to the head... $124.95Knife in the back (tennis players only)... $49.95Kick in the groin (male athletes only)... $9.95Poking out one eye... $49.95Poking out both eyes (three stooges style)... more...

Tips on Love (by kids, 5-10 years of age): WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?? "Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR,' cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?? "It's better for girls to be more...

Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?