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A business man was in a great deal of trouble. He had put everything he had into his business and it was failing miserably. He owed everyone. It was so bad that he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to see a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "This is what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the chair and place the Bible on your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the very first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman returned to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was dressed in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a gorgeous mink coat, the children shining. The businessman more...

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1.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
2.) You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
3.) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
4.) Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
5.) You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
6.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
7.) Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
8.) You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
9.) Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
10.) All of your friends have an @ in their names.
11.) When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
12.) Your dog has its own home page.
13.) You more...

When the preacher's car broke down on a country road, he walked to a nearby roadhouse to use the phone. After calling for a tow truck, he spotted his old friend, Harry, drunk and shabbily dressed at the bar. "What happened to you, Harry?" asked the good reverend. "You used to be rich."

Harry told a sad tale of bad investments that had led to his downfall. "Go home,"

the preacher said. "Open your Bible at random, stick your finger on the page, and there will be God's answer." Some time later, the preacher bumped into Harry, who was wearing a Gucci suit, sporting a Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a Mercedes.

"Harry," said the preacher, "I am glad to see things have really turned around for you."

"Yes, preacher, and I owe it all to you," said Harry.

"I opened my Bible, put my finger down on the page and there was the answer. . Chapter 11."

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers "sure!" The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "you have here exactly 1586 sheep!"

"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep" says more...

You kiss your girlfriend's home page. A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your more...

' Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear. When the image resolved, so bright and so quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came, Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;"Now Compaq! more...