Paint Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde was recently fired from her cashier job, because she kept stealing money from the register. She went looking for work the next day.
A few days later, she came to a man who needed someone. "I'm here for the paint job", the blonde said eagerly. "Alright. Take this paint and brush, and go paint my backyard porch", replied the man.
The blonde immediately started painting. After she was done, she decided to do a second coat. When she was finished, she went to the man to get her pay.
"I finished it, and did a second coating too! By the way, that's not a Porsche, it's a new BMW".
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks alright?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.
The man was amazed. more...
How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs? He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.
Man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
Woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
Woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY
Woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got screwed up
Another version:
The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered more...
Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"A can of paint?!?" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up, I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're more...
One day the parishioners of a church decided the church needed repainting. They gathered up all their supplies, bought all their paint and began painting. Halfway through the job they realized that there wouldn't be enough paint and they didn't want to spend anymore money to buy more. So, they began to thin the pain with water until there was enough to finish. As they put the last stroke on the church the heavens parted and rain gushed down. All the thinned paint ran off the side of the church and into the gutters. A voice bellowed from above "REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!"