Paint Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

One summer day, a blonde told her husband before he left for work that she was going to paint the house that day. It was her day off and she wanted to do something useful. He went to work only to return for lunch five hours later.He expected to find some progress done on the house, but instead found his wife lying in their yard with a few jackets on, despite the hot day. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I prepared to paint the house, but when I read the instructions on the paint can, it said to apply three coats and sun dry."

Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm.
The Duncan Yo -- Goes down, never comes back. Teaches children about warranties.
5, 200 Pick Up -- a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids play a larger version of their favorite game.
The "Learn About Puberty Chia Pet".
Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees, low flying planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint, clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.
The Laff-O-Minit Spellin' Tootor.
Doggie Dentist -- Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.
Cuisin-Art -- Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.
Water Retention Wanda -- Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.
Chocolate Covered Lead Soldiers.
Islamic Strip Poker -- lose a hand, lose a hand.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5: 30 and smells the distinct smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…. FOR BEST RESULTS, more...

1. Go to the crafts store.
2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of
paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.
3. Return home.
4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-
out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better
yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it
for insulation in the attic.
5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the
disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently
pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.
6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.
7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding
the fruit.
8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and
finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a
warm glow to the "fruitcake."
9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you more...

Did you hear about the new paint on the market? It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreadseasy!

It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.
Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant,
"Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe more...