Parrot Jokes / Recent Jokes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you. ”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you. ”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that? ” He hissed at the parrot.
“Yep, ” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you. ”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the more...

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business."I can see you, and so can Jesus!"The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!""So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much the bird cost.
The owner said it was $50.
Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She told the owner that she still wanted the bird. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new more...

A man suspected his wife of cheating on him. so he decided to buy a talking parrot to tell him what goes on while he's at work. He looks all over, and all he can find is a parrot with no legs, buts he's desperate, so he buys it.

He sets the parrots cage up, and props the bird up, and the next day he tells the parrot, "pay careful attention to what goes on today.

So the man goes to work, and about 2 hours later, the woman come in with the mailman. The parrot looks at them carefully so he can tell the man everything.

When the man comes home, he asks to parrot, "so what happened?" "Well", the parrot started "she came in with the mail man, and they started kissing, and he started to undress her.." Then the parrot stopped. "Well!! What else happened??"

The parrot said, I dont know, I popped a boner and fell over."

A black guy walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder, and the bartender asked where did you get it? the parrot replied AFRICA!!!

A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative. The parrot being a male sneaks out and screws the next door neighbor’s turkey and rushes back home before being caught in the act.
The next door neighbor knocks on the door and explains what the parrot has been up to. The owner of the parrot reprimands him and tells him if he doesn’t stop it he’s going to shave the parrot’s head.
That night the parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and screws his neighbor’s turkey again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head.
The following morning is the Farmers daughters wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church.
The parrot is doing fine. “Groom’s side to the left and Bride’s side to the right”
Then two bald guys walk in and he says, more...

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep hercompany at home.She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; itwouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be funto hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediatelyspotted a large beautiful parrot.She went to the owner of the store and asked how much.The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare lookingand beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you firstthat this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it sayspretty vulgar stuff."The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have thebird. She said she would buy it anyway.The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for itto say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then more...