Public Jokes / Recent Jokes

A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Dumb Ohio Laws
# In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker`s stand, you can be fined $25. 00.
# Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
# It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
# It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
# The Ohio driver`s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
# Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
# Breast feeding more...

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the Mother helping her son at home.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The mother took her son aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means' carrying a child.'"

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta`s physical fitness program.

This morning, National Public Radio reported that Monica Lewinsky had
been in an accident with her Sport Utility Vehicle. Immediately, four
things came to my mind:
She must have blown a rod.
Obviously, her driving sucks too.
It's not the first time she flipped over something with a spare tire.
I wonder how badly this accident stained her dress?

A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him into a private school. All the sudden in the private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,"Why were you doing so bad in a public school, and when we switched you to a private school you did so well?" The kid responds,"because I knew they were serious about school. The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed to a plus sign."

The seven stages of Usenet posting:
1. Innocence
HI. I AM NEW HERE. WHY DO THEY CALL THIS TALK.BIZARRE? I THINK THAT
THIS NEWSGROUP (OOPS, NEWSFROUP - HEE, HEE) STUFF IS REAL NEAT. :-)
[dead chicken joke deleted]
This sort of joke DOES NOT BELONG HERE! Can't you read the rules? Gene
Spafford _clearly_ states in the List of Newsgroups:
rec.humor.dead.babes Dead Baby joke swapping
Simple enough for you? It's not enough that the creature be dead, it
*must* be a baby - capeesh?
This person is clearly scum - they're even hiding behind a pseudonym.
I mean, what kind of a name is FOO, anyway? I am writing to the
sysadmin at BAR.BITNET requesting that this person's net access be
revoked immediately. If said sysadmin does not comply, they are
obviously in on it - I will urge that their feeds cut them off
post-haste, so that they cannot spread this kind of $#! T over the net.
4. Disgust
In message (102938363617@Wumpus), more...

India has compiled a list of do's and don'ts for its citizens at this year's Commonwealth Games to help showcase New Delhi's charms. "We want tourists to go back with the impression that Delhi is a sophisticated city."
"We want to tell them don't urinate in public, don't spit, keep your houses and shops clean, keep public transport safe and such things," Delhi tourism chief Rina Ray told the Hindustan Times Friday.
Ah, reminds me of that fall I spent in New Delhi. The lights, the sounds, the freedom of not having to ask where the restrooms are.