Race Jokes / Recent Jokes

Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing. Dishes must drip dry. Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee. Eugene: It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. Eugene: It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert. Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. Klamath Falls: It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane. Portland: It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. Portland: People may not whistle underwater. Portland: You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms. Marion: Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. Myrtle Creek: One may not box with a kangaroo. Salem: Women may not wrestle in Salem. Springfield: It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a more...

Eugene: It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.(Oregon Dumb Laws)

A blonde, brunette and a redhead were all in a swimming race. They were supposed to swim the English Channel. A group of spectators anxiously awaited the three women at the finish line. The brunette came in first, then the redhead a little later. They waited hours for the blonde to show up. When she finally did, they asked her what had taken her so long. The blonde was very upset as she screamed, "This was supposed to be a breast stroke race, and those girls were using their arms!!!"

Yeshiva University decides to field a rowing team. But they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.
Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, their Captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team.
So Morris schleps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes of the Charles River, from where he carefully watches the Harvard team at their daily practice.
After two weeks, Morris finally returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.
"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates all want to know.
"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster "Ok, old fellow its time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens...look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.

Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon...just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over."

So, the old rooster says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what young fellow. I'll have a race with you around the farm house. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."

The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair more...

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding:
The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new more...

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? The Indy 500.