Race Jokes / Recent Jokes

How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first
~ your money, your body or your resolve to stay on your diet,,,,.

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster- I've got to do something about this! He walks up to the new bird and says,' So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself.' Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definately thought he was more than a match for the old guy.' You're on', he said,' and more...

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant`s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team. So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team`s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance more...

During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U. S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U. S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Overused plot lines:

Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to kick the Rooskies out of the good ol' US of A.

Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to survive against gangs of bandits, mutants, cyberpunks, bikers, etc.

The rag-tag rebel army/fleet struggles valiantly to overthrow the Evil Empire.

The Good Guys travel through time to stop a historical Bad Guy, usually Hitler.

The Bad Guy travels through time to kill the Hero in his childhood, or prevent him from ever being born.

The Chronocops travel in time to catch a Bad Guy who escaped into some other era.

Scientists work feverishly to develop a cure for the Supervirus or a weapon to stop the Invincible Bad Guys.

An alien:

Is stranded on earth;

Befriends a human child or falls in love with an earth gal;

Is pursued by shadowy malevolent Pentagon officials under the pretense of national more...

They’re boasting about race records
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them! ”Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!! ”"Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28! ”, says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast, ” Says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them! ”The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow! ” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog. ”