Refuse Jokes / Recent Jokes

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I`ve got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor`s left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I`m so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk more...

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist:you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat:you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer:you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor:you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service:you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer:you more...

I love a good joke and so here is my contribution to this
place. Here is one joke of many that I hope to stick up in the
Infolanka joke pages. I hope you like it.
Arjuna Kulatunga

You are one of a group of people on board an airplane. Suddenly the pilot enters the
cabin and says you are about to crash. Sadly there is only one parachute left.
Pessimist: You refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
Optimist: You refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps like this
before.
Bureaucrat: You order a feasibility study on parachute usage in a multi engine aircraft
under code red conditions.
Internal Revenue Service: You confiscate the parachute along with the luggage,
wallets and gold filings.
Engineer: You make another parachute out of curtains and dental floss.
Mathematician: You refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in
all cases.
Philosopher: You more...

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19. Upon seeing more...

Microsoft Vs. General Motors
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would the be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a more...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the more...