Religion Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said."What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' suchplaces?"A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door andquietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed."Why,' tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what withthe example clergymen set for them."After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quicklyentered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaningon his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."
There was a priest and rabbi who became close friends over many years, and they'd often have lunch together. One day, the rabbi almost ate the priest's ham sandwich, which made the two of them laugh. Then, the priest got a serious look on his face.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" he asked.
"Sure," said the rabbi, "we're good friends."
"Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi paused. "Yes, I have. I was touring the world, and I had stopped in China. A group of locals brought me home for dinner, even though I couldn't speak the language and they didn't speak English. They were very proud of the main course, which was roasted pig. I couldn't tell them it was against my religion, and I didn't want to offend them, so I ate it. I'm sure the lord forgives me, because I was working hard to present a friendly image of his people. Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, you've been honest with me." says the more...
...pope benedict has announced plans for his first tour of america...his holiness plans to open for van halen.
A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs.
A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest,' 'I had an affair with a woman - almost.'' The priest says,' 'What do you mean,' almost'?'' The man says,' 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.''
The priest replies,' 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'' The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box.
He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says,' 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'' The man replied,' 'Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!''
A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TV Evangelist comes on and promises to heal the sick.
"If only you would pray with Him, place your right hand in the air, and place your left hand on the afflicted area, the Almighty Lord will heal you."
So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on his crotch and his wife says "Gee honey he said heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.
"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic.
We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus more...