Restroom Jokes / Recent Jokes
TO: All EmployeesFrom: ManagementRe: Restroom PolicyIn the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective Feb. 25, 1995 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistant method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees. Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points. RTC can be accumulated from month to month. Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition. During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) management by Feb. 10, 1995. The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb. Employees should aquaint themselves more...
A man sitting in a bar needed to relieve himself and went in the restroom.
He came back moments later with a bewildered look on his face and said to the bartender, "I just saw the strangest thing, a black man with a penis as white as snow!"
The bartender had to see this for himself and promptly went to the restroom to take a look. He came back out laughing.
"That's not a black man, that's a coal miner just back from the whorehouse!"
A navy seals and a marine walk into a restroom they both use the restroom. The navy seal washed his hands and the marine just walked out. The navy seal walks to him and says "In the navy they teach us to wash our hands."
The marine says, "In the marines the teach us not to piss on our hands."
"The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen" by Bob Rivers
Sung to the Tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices
And I saw the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace and hit me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day,
What can I say
It just wasn't turning out to be my day
The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and more...
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a
neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and
dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn
off. Each time after the lights would go out the place
would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the
nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please
use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should. "
"Why not? " the nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his
most private part is covered only by a fig leaf. "
"Nonsense, " said the nun, "I'll just look the other way. "
So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the
stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few
minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping
with music and dancing again. more...
Restroom Policy
To: All employees
From: Management
RE: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under information guidelines.
Effective Feb. 1, 1995, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent
method of accounting for each employee's restroom time.
Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of
each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits can be
accumulated from month to month.
Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with personnel identification
stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before January 31, each employee must
provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Management. The voice
print recognition will be in operation, but not connected to restrooms until the end of more...
To: All Employees
Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor more...