Robe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him.

As they talk, her robe slips open and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and sighs, "Lets go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"

She's astounded! "Why more...

On the fourth night of their honeymoon, the blissful newlyweds turned off the lights and crawled under the covers.
Turning towards his bride, he tenderly informed her that tonight, for a change of pace, he wanted a hand job instead of the usual stuff. Being the proper girl that she was, she had no idea what a 'hand job' was.
She quickly got out of bed, put on her robe and headed for the phone to call her mother.
"Mom, he wants a hand job and I don't know what he means," she whispered.
"Oh, honey," her mother replied, "it's really quite simple. Just grab it and shake it like you're trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."
"Gee, Mom, that does sound easy enough. Thanks," she replied, hanging up the phone.
She then removed her robe and crawled back into bed. Snuggling up to her new husband, she grabbed his member firmly with one hand and began smacking the end of it with the other hand.

Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a saxophone?
A: Vibrato.
Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about
how much better Michael Brecker would have done it.
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say "Not bad,
but I could've done better."
Q: How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.
So this trumpet player dies, see? And when he reaches his everlasting
reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with
this combo, OK? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist
named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Blakey' guy to show up
with his drums. "Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this
good." So the guy in the robe says, "This is hell, not more...

On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to
change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all
showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband
says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is
astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are
so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?"
He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to
my heart forever".
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into
the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do
you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens
his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a
picture".
He beams and asks, "why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT more...

There's a crazy old lady in a nursing home. She goes up to the receptionist and tears open her robe, revealing her naked body. She yells, "SUPERPUSSY!" at the top of her lungs and walks away.
Next the old lady goes into the rec room where other residents are basket-weaving, watching TV and reading... Again, the old lady tears open her robe and screams, "SUPERPUSSY!" at the top of her lungs and walks out of the room.
Now the old lady goes into the cafeteria where a new resident is sitting by himself at a table. She rushes over to him, tears open her robe and yells, "SUPERPUSSY!" The new guy looks her up and down for a minute then says, "I'll have the soup."

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites
him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with
interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher’s entry
in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take
that cloth robe and wooden staff.”The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely, I rate higher than a cabby.”St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: “Here we are interested in results. When you
preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”

Mark rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his
name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady
comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
Mark smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation
with him. As they talk, her robe slips open and it is quite obvious
that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Mark breaks out into a
sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places
her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone
coming. . . "
He proceeds with her into the apartment and after she closes the door,
she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She
purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed Mark stammers, clears his throat several
times and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! more...