Robert Jokes / Recent Jokes

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse Dennis Miller Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. Robert Paul It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?"
In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.
"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

Hal says to Robert, “Would you believe I just burned a thousand-dollar bill? ” “Jeez, ” says Robert, “I envy your success. ” “What success? It was easier to burn it than to pay it. ”

The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."

*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.

*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.

*Crickets hear through their knees.

*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.

*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.

*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put.214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out.1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox.1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death sentence. more...