Scale Jokes / Recent Jokes
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock. Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code! Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon! Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved! Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L. A., Chicago... Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg. Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Here is an easy way to make money from the post office.
Buy an Helium filled floating party balloon and write your address on it.
Go to the post office and say you want to post the balloon.
Tie the balloon onto the weighing scale and ask for the postage cost.
The floating balloon will make the scale read below zero.
The post office would thus pay you money for posting it.
You don't even have to carry the balloon home as the post office will deliver it to your address!
At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."
Of the many psychometric devices designed to measure the dimensions of human variation, the Hidden Brain Damage Scale stands alone as the only instrument capable of predicting a preference for pimento loaf. For this reason, and despite the sizable revenues that might accrue from the copyright, we offer the scale here for public consumption. It was authored in a flurry of graduate school insight some years ago by Robin Vallacher (Illinois Institute of Technology), Christopher Gilbert (private practice, New Jersey) and Daniel Wegner (Trinity University, San Antonio, Texas). Although a true-false format is recommended, we have found that many test-takers opt for the response of getting tangled up in the drapery.The Hidden Brain Damage Scale1. People tell me one thing one day and out the other.
2. I can't unclasp my hands.
3. I can wear my shirts as pants.
4. I feel as much like I did yesterday as I do today.
5. I always lick the fronts of postage stamps.
6. I often more...
Your momma is so fat, when she stood in the scale to get weighed it read -, "Your momma is so fat, when she stood in the scale to get weighed it read -
(one at a time please!!!)