Scale Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why Did The Santa Take A Scale To His Bedroom? Ans: Because He Wanted To Measure For How Long He Slept

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
"YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for more...

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO FAT' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the fat mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR MAMA etc.
will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO FAT
Yo mama so fat. . . she's fat!
Yo mama so fat God can't lift her spirits!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo mama so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
Yo mama so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo mama so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
Yo mama so fat I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.
Yo mama so fat I'm more...

On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."
So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.
Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly.
Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again.
Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.
Rose's roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening more...

A lady went to the butcher shop looking for a chicken for dinner. She asked the butcher to see his selection. He only had one chicken left but did not disclose this to the lady. He kept the chickens in the bin below the showcase and so he reached down and pulled out his last chicken. He put it on the scale, the lady eyed the weight and asked if he had one a little larger.

"Yes," he replied. He took the chicken and lowered it down to the empty bin, shook it against the side and brought it back out. This time when he placed it on the scale his trained thumb hung just a little bit on the edge of the scale.

The lady eyed the weight and said, "that is fine, I'll take both of them."

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires. The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4 pounds.

"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

At a pharmacy, Judi asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing Judi and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

'It won't work,' Judi countered.' I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt.'