Scotch Jokes / Recent Jokes
AGE DRINK
17 - beer
25 - vodka
35 - scotch
48 - double scotch
66 - Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 - My parents are away for the weekend.
25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 - My fiancée is away for the weekend.
48 - My wife is away for the weekend.
66 - My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 - sex
25 - sex
35 - sex
48 - sex
66 - napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - "tongue"
25 - "breakfast"
35 - "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 - "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 - "Got home alive."
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - getting to third
25 - airplane sex
35 - menage a trois
48 - taking the company public
66 - Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE FAVORITE HOUSE PET
17 - roaches
25 - stoned-out college roommate
35 - German Shepherd
48 - children from more...
The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this".A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again".The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You more...
The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please".
The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars."
"What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this".
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration".
The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again".
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!".
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life."
Bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. more...
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, more...
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out
with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the
holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can’t pick up a magazine without
finding a list of holiday eating do’s and don’ts. Eliminate second
helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say.
Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite
childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn’t think so. Isn’t mine,
either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list
of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you’ll
be fat and happy. So what if you don’t make it to New Year’s? Your pants
won’t fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of more...
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, more...
A senior woman is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a
scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
"I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would
like to buy you a drink too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two
drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy
you one too.
The old women says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with
two drops of water."
"Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only more...