Sell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. ”235, 000 miles. ”
Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde’s friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40, 000.
Two days later the blend? s friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40, 000 miles on it! ”

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied."You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000."How in the world did you do that?" they asked."I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him."What's that?" he asked."Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and more...

In the midst of the shaky stock market we have had this week many brokers are getting calls from their clients requesting they liquidate their holdings. One broker recounts such a call.
One of my clients call me on Thursday all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice.
He says to me "Howard sell it all sell everything, fast right away."
I try to explain to him that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
He says" John, let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5."
"yes go on" I say.
"Well. My wife Lucie has this thing about the market. It's a phobia of sorts. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress. Her Great Grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever more...

In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. Liquor stores may not sell milk. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor. You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her. One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session. Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes. Pedestrians more...

By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale.It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease.An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, more...

The Philadelphia Eagles have actually begun selling Michael Vick jerseys for dogs. While they're at it, maybe they should sell some OJ Simpson Ginsu Knives.

Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon. Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the more...