Sentence Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word EAR. Little Johnny stood up and proudly said EAR E, A, R. Then to use it in a sentence he pretended to take a big hit off a joint and then while pretending to have his lungs full of smoke he predended to pass the joint to little Suzy and said "Ear"

01. I get up at 6 a. m., no matter what time it is.
02. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
03. One woman`s hobby is another woman`s hubby.
04. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.
05. It`s what people don`t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
06. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
07. I`m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
08. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
09. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
10. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you`ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you`ll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man.
11. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance more...

Little Johnny was sitting in class with his fellow peers. The teacher of the class asked for a volunteer to say a full sentence about their parents. When no one raised their hand, the teacher called on Little Johnny to say the full sentence. He replied with "Hummm... Well... My Dad eats light bulbs." The teacher looked at Johnny strangely and said "Oh no, Johnny, your dad doesn't eat light bulbs, that's absurd" Johnny argued back, "Yeah huh, last night daddy said to mommy,' oh honey, turn off that lamp and let me eat that thing'"

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word' indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely."
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,
"As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a more...

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me. ”
So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese. ” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough. ”
The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese. ” She says, “That’s not creative enough. ”
Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone. . . cheese mine. ”

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you`ve got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I`m going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I`ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"