Sentence Jokes / Recent Jokes
You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up. The Sun is too loud. Trees begin to chase you. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I. V. drip solution of espresso. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. You can hear mimes. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. Things become "Very Clear." You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand. The less sense matter and matter is more than sense. You and Reality file for divorce. You can skip without a rope. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You have great more...
During a political debate the politicians were asked to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
The first one, a democrat, came up with an answer right away. He said, "One of my hobbies is painting, and no matter if I paint with water colors, or oils I always fascinate people with my work."
The second politician, the republican, said "My grandfather was a magician, and when ever he performed a trick be it with cards, or hoops, or magic balls he would always fascinate us."
The third politician, an independent, said "I don't know if I can do that."
The MC of the debate said, "Go ahead take a couple of minutes then give it your best."
The third politician thought for a while then said, "I know this gal, one time she went to the store to buy a new blouse. The blouse had ten buttons on it, but when she went to button it her boobs were so big that she could only fasten eight."
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'" Little Johnny raised his hand.The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons." The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence." Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"
Following last week's announcement that suicide in Singapore will be regulated, the government has decided to make suicide a capital offence. "Suicide is a deadly serious matter of life or death," said Minister for Suicide Mr. Yeow Teow Loh. "We cannot let citizens decide important things by their own hands and affect our manpower projections." The MOS has written a white paper, and will be tabling it for debate in the next parliamentary session. The Suicide and Miscellaneous Manpower Offences Bill calls for those attempting suicide to face a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. However, repeat offenders will face the death penalty. "We believe that the strongest possible sentence will deter offenders," said Mr. Yeow. The move has been welcomed by EuthanAsians, an Asian right to death pressure and support group. "We back the new death policy," said Dr. Mao Mah Tee, president of EuthanAsians. "And we will do whatever it takes to get the more...
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.
Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons." The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."
Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only more...
Pillow talk in Missouri: Has sex been outlawed?
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) - Birds do it. Bees do it. But Missourians aren't allowed to do it, according to some interpretations of a new state law.
"I don't know what they were trying to say, but I know that what they did say seems to outlaw sex altogether," said David Foster, director of the writing lab a the University of Missouri-Kansas City.
Others disagree. One legislator says it legalizes homosexual sex and outlaws nonconsensual sex. Another says it outlaws homosexual sex and nonconsensual sex.
The law, which took effect Aug. 28, says: "A person commits the crime of sexual misconduct in the first degree if he has deviate sexual intercourse with another person of the same sex, or he purposely subjects another person to sexual contact or engages in conduct which would constitute sexual contact except that the touching occurs through the clothing without that person's consent."
Attorney Dan Viets more...