Services Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
"That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV
"And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
Mark Goodier: What`s the name of the company you work for?
Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and
engineering services? - BBC Radio 1
"Marling - unbeaten in her three victories."
Peter O`Sullivan, BBC2 TV: "Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets."
James Hunt, BBC2 TV: "A church spire nestling among the trees... there`s probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

Techronia Technical Support Services
"The world of technology can be difficult for some." - Press Release
We offer a range of quality services to satisfy any possible technical support requirement. Time and time again, companies rely on our services to fish their workers out of daily situations and problems. Most companies only give you the "royal shaft" treatment, Techronia gives you the answers. We probe deep into the partially working minds of our clients and delve into their shallow waters to discover what they want from us. Whether it's the fact that they are incapable of figuring out a device like the "mouse" that 6. 7 million other people know how to use, or finding that ever elusive power switch for the monitor, we are here to help.
Lets look at just some of the service offerings available from Techronia at competitive industry rates...
Techronia Phone Support
When the statement "Click Here" isn't clear enough; more...

Testers report problems with Windows TP beta
NEW YORK, Apr 1, Reuter - Microsoft's new Windows TP has a long way to go before final release, say beta testers of the product. Testers report numerous problems with the thought icons included with the product.
"I can see a fish tail representing some useful things, but the Program Manager? It's just not intuitive," says Clyde Revlon, an MIS specialist with McBalmy, Crain, and Larch. "Whoever came up with these thought icons needs therapy. I'm sure the guy's Yorkshire terrier is wonderful, but as the File Manager? A golden retriever I could understand. And that sweater the terrier is wearing, it's just too loud. Let me control the sweater."
Testers also report dangerous corruption problems with the Direct Neuron Access technology. "Colors, I smell colors. Dog, good dog, go to the light mom," said Maggie Ferreaux, a consultant with Sharp, Trenchant, and Blunt Computer Services.
Other testers more...

A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. thepastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and begantumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally thepastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sendinghis rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry forwhat I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord pleasemake this bear a Christian". Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fellto it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep andsaid "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"

A Catholic and a Protestant church were located directly across the street from each other. In spite of their religious differences, the Catholic priests and the Protestant ministers were on friendly terms.
Accordingly, they invited each other to feel free to drop in at any time to view their respective church services. While conducting services one Sunday, one of the Catholic priests glanced up and saw that three Protestant ministers had chosen that occasion to attend services.
Because all the pews were filled, they were standing at the rear of the church. In an effort to treat his guests as courteously as possible, the priest called an altar boy to his side and whispered in his ear, "Three chairs for the Protestants."
The altar boy promptly spun around, faced the congregation and said in a loud voice, "Three cheers for the Protestants!"