Sits Jokes / Recent Jokes
This small Latino man walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer. A big man comes in, taps him on his shoulder, and says, "Youre sitting in my seat!" The same Spanish man ignores him and orders another beer. The man again taps him on his shoulder, and tells him hes sitting in his seat. The same Spanish man gets up, leans over the seat, and says. "I dont see your name on it." He sits down again and orders still another beer. "The man says... I know Karate!" The small Latino man says, "I know JUDO! JU DONT KNOW IF I HAVE A GUN! JU DONT KNOW IF I HAVE A KNIFE!"
One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you more...
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to school, she sat next to everybody! Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house. Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a "Malcom X" shirt, helicopters land on her!
An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its more...
An elephant and ant were friends. They decided to go to swimming. They went to a swimming pool but when the ant swims the elephant sits and when elephant swims the ant sits. why?
Ans: Because they have only one swimming costume.
A Boy went to his mom and said "Hey mom. I just invented this new yo mama joke." she said "ok lets hear it". he says "Yo mama so fat that when she sits down she sits next to everyone!!! hahahaha" the boys mom got so offended she said "Oh yeah??? well yo mama so FAT... WAIT A MINUTE... "