Sits Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

Your momma so fat, when she sat on the beach, green peace tried to put her back in the ocean
Your momma so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she is backing up
Your momma so fat, she has her own gravitational pull
Your momma so fat, when she hauls ass she takes 2 trips
You momma so fat, she has more chins than a Chinese phone book
Your momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house
Your momma so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck
Your momma so fat, her shadow weighs 200 lbs
Your momma so fat, she wears a watch on each wrist,1 for each time zone
Your momma so fat, when she wears yellow people chase after her yelling TAXI!
Your momma so fat, when she went for a walk, they had an earthquake in China
Your momma so fat, when she wears grey to the zoo, people throw peanuts at her
Your momma so fat, when she fell in the Grand Canyon, she got stuck

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars?

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -
"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"

"It was' Momma Bear' who got up first."
"It was' Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."
"It was' Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."
"It was' Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."
"It was' Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning more...

A bloke walks into a pub and says “Can I have a pie and chips please? ” The barman fetches the food, the guy sits down, eats the chips, puts the pie on his head and walks out. The barman is confused. The next day the same man returns to the pub and orders another pie and chips. The barman serves him his meal, he eats the chips, puts the pie on his head, and walks out. The barman only just resists the temptation to ask him what he’s doing. The following day, the same man returns to the pub and orders another pie and chips. The barman says “Sorry, we’re out of pies today, but you can have a pasty and chips if you want…. ” The man accepts the pasty and chips, sits down and eats the chips, and then puts the pasty in his head. He’s just about to walk out, when the barman collars him and asks “Oi, mate, why have you got that pasty on your head? ” The man replies “Well you haven’t got any pies….. ”

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the jewish man sits back down. Then, the chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, when a Chinese man comes in. The Jewish man jumps up and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Chinese man says.
"What was that for?"
"That was for Pearl Harbour," the Jewish man says.
"But I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"
And the Jewish man sits back down.
A few minutes later, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Jewish man says.
"What was that for?"
"That was for sinking the Titanic," the Chinese man says.
"Sinking the Titanic??? But that was an iceberg!"
"Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

Yo mama's so fat- Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo. - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!" - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L. A., Chicago... - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance. - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down more...