Sits Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man settles into his seat on the plane, when another man sits down and puts his black Labrador Retriever in the seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". "His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
Once the plane has taken off and levels out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and turns to the man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Say, that's pretty more...
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me twelve drinks." So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast." The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got." The bartender says, "What've you got?" The guy says, "75 cents." bar, drinking
Mr. Peanut never talked "A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say,
"Wow! You look GREAT tonight!"
The man looks over at the bartender who didn't say anything and just keeps drinking and eating beer nuts and he hears something again!
"That's an awesome shirt! You are amazing!"
He looks around and he's the only guy in the place so asks the bartender if he had heard anything more...
Phil is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one at an excellent price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
A week later, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his motorcycle over to her house and finds her waiting outside for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," she says. "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Phil sits down for dinner and it's exactly as she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and no one is saying a word. So, Phil decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously furious, and her mother horrified when he sits back down, but more...
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry more...
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside.
The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.
The airline rep said "Don't mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog "Rover, search."
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy."
He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on more...
What do you get if King Kong sits on your best friend? A flat mate.
A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics The bartender says? IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S POLITICS?. A little while later hey bartender can we talk about religon. Again the bartender says" IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The bartender says SURE. The drunk says good............ fuck you!