Size Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new aid to rapid-almost magical-learning has made its appearance. Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will be so much junk.
The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK(tm).
Many advantages are claimed over the old-style learning and teaching aids on which most people are brought up nowadays. It has no wires, no electric circuit to break down. No connection is needed to an electricity power point. It is made entirely without mechanical parts to go wrong or need replacement.
Anyone can use BOOK(tm), even children, and it fits comfortably into the hands. It can be conveniently used sitting in an armchair by the fire.
How does this revoluntionary, unbelievably easy invention work?
Basically BOOK(tm) consists only of a large number of paper sheets. These may run to hundreds where BOOK(tm) covers a lengthy program of information. Each sheet bears a number in sequence, more...

A new aid to rapid-almost magical-learning has made its appearance.
Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will
be so much junk.
The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The
makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK(tm).
Many advantages are claimed over the old-style learning and teaching
aids on which most people are brought up nowadays. It has no wires, no
electric circuit to break down. No connection is needed to an electricity
power point. It is made entirely without mechanical parts to go wrong or need
replacement.
Anyone can use BOOK(tm), even children, and it fits comfortably into the
hands. It can be conveniently used sitting in an armchair by the fire.
How does this revoluntionary, unbelievably easy invention work?
Basically BOOK(tm) consists only of a large number of paper sheets.
These may run to hundreds where BOOK(tm) covers a lengthy program of
information. more...

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
"Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.
After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling,
"Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Microsoft Announces a Major Corporate Diversification
Into the Car Making Business.
The major design criteria are:
Economies in interior design are based upon uniform size back-sides
seats are all the same size and standard distance from the steering wheel.
The cars will only run on Microsoft petrol (Microsoft LP Gas will be
announced soon ..)
The oil, alternator, low-fuel and engine management system warning
lights will be replaced by a single "General Car Protection Fault"
warning light.
Delivery strategy is such that the consumer is under constant
pressure to upgrade (modestly priced "upgrade" kits will be available
either dealer fitted or self install). Support for self install is
an extra cost option, cost based upon the number of calls and the
number of callers.
You can only have one person in the car at a time, unless you buy
Car95 or CarNT but having bought one of these, you still need more...

* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.

* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

* No word in the English language rhymes with month.

* There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

* Cat's urine glows under a black light.

* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

* In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

* Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

* Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected more...

Feel Free to Cut and Paste
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms more...