Size Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see your pecks. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
6. Wash your face
7. Wash your armpits
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower)
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when more...

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings she asked them to write home and tell her about their married life. The first wrote back on the second day. The letter arrived with a single message:' Maxwell Coffeehouse.' The mother was confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, and it said,' Satisfaction to the last drop...' So the mother was happy. Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read:' Rothmans.' So the mother looked for the Rothmans ad, and it said,' LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE.' And the mother was happy. Then it was the third one's wedding. The mother was anxious. It took four weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply:' BRITISH AIRWAYS.' The mother was so concerned. She frantically went through all the newspapers at home looking for a BA ad. When she found one she fainted. The ad read:' TWO TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.'

The mouse is more like a penis, not only because the mouse is
Pussy-cat's favourite, it is also for the following reasons:
1) Some have it, some don't
2) Those who have it, put far more importance to it than its size
3) They will be devastated if it is ever cut, although the removing
this does not have any serious effect on the main body
4) Younger people use it much more than older ones
5) It doesn't always respond
6) When you want to use it and if it doesen't respond you feel devastated
7) when its unresponsive it needs the right touch to get it working
8) Although the whole thing is moving, only its one end is responsive
(sensitive to the touch)
9) You can play games with it
10) it fits nicely in your right hand.
11) it points to things
12) it controls the operation of larger more important things
13) it can be rolled about
14) it prefers to perform on soft & smooth surfaces. Used against a more...

1. Please don't talk to my breasts. You won't be meeting them.
2. If you want to control someone, sleep with your remote.
3. I always choose chocolate over men. ALWAYS
4. 51% love goddess... 49% bitch. Care to push your luck?
5. My sexual preference is NO
6. My body is my temple, now get on your knees and pray.
7. It's not the size that counts, it's... no, wait, size does count.
8. Remember men, girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.
9. Men are like hardwood floors, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.
10. Save your breath for you inflatable date.

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some rubbers. The
cashier asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."
"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"
"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.
The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and
measure his dick by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence.
While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the
fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When the they
return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"
The man replies, "To hell with the rubbers, give me a hundred feet of
that fence back there!"
Chris Ott

Include your children when baking cookies!
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your more...