Size Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was talking to this girl the other day and she said "I have a queen size bed. When I let a man in my bed he must treat me like a queen." So I said "Well, I have a twin size bed so why don’t you grab your sister and come on over?"

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist.
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was 2000 rupees and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."

To: All Employees
Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor more...

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

For sale:a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Sheer stockings - Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

For Sale:parachute, used once, never opened, small stain.

A shy man enters the Pharmacy to buy some condoms!
"What size would you like sir?" said the young buxom female pharmacist?
Red faced the man replied, "Well miss I am not sure,

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!"She sat down, red-faced."Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin."The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan."Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"

One night a couple was sitting on the couch talking when they heard a terrible noise outside. They ran out to see what it was. When they got there they were shocked to see that and alien spaceship had landed in their backyard. The aliens said, "Don't worry we come in peace. We just want to talk."

So the couple and the aliens sit down to talk. After awhile they start to get tired to they decide to go to bed. The alien couple said, "Look we've never had sex with a human and we know you've never had sex with an alien so how about we switch places for the night." The human couple agreed. The human woman and the male alien began messing around in a bedroom.

When the alien man pulled out his dick the woman complained that it was too small, so he said, "Oh thats no problem look." He hit himself in the forehead and it grew 1 inch.

"Wow thats amazing"

"Yeah" he replied "just keep doing that until more...