Slap Jokes / Recent Jokes

When is it polite to slap a midget? When it gets in your face!!!

WHY do girls slap so hard?
Because there hand is always motivated

After accumulating sufficient frequent flyer miles, Bill and Bernice landed on Mars where they met a Martian couple. They were talking about all sorts of things and Bill asked if Mars had a stock market, did they have laptop computers, how they made money.
Finally, Bernice broached the subject of sex. "Just how do you do it?" she asked.
"Pretty much the same way you do," replied the male Martian.
A discussion ensued, and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night. Bernice and the male Martian headed off to a bedroom, where the male stripped. After taking one look at him, Bernice was disappointed to see that he only had a teeny, weenie member, about half an inch long and a quarter inch wide. "I really don't think this is going to work," Bernice said.
"Why not?" he asked. "What's the problem?"
"Well, it's just not long enough to reach me!" she explained.
"No problem," he said, more...

One day Steve and his wife, Sorrell were out playing golf. Everything was going fairly well for Steve until the 7th hole. He sliced his tee shot a mile to the right so he and his wife had to go looking for the ball. Eventually they came across a shed with the door slightly ajar, and surprisingly enough the golf ball was slap bang in the centre of the floor. And so, not wanting to drop a shot, Steve decided to play on instead of taking a penalty by dropping the ball. Sorrell, noticing that if Steve played a good shot he could get his ball on the green, offered to hold the door open while her husband played the shot. After a lengthy period of sizing up his shot, Steve hit the ball, but struck his wife in the temple with it. She slumped down dead, instantly. Another 5 years later, Steve found himself on the same golf course, on the same hole, this time with his friend, Jim. So, coincidently, Steve's tee shot took the exact same path as it did 5 years ago, and the ball found itself, more...

One evening, three women are having a few drinks at the bar, when one of them says, "Why don't we name our Sams after a soda pop. I'm really getting tired of getting my Sam mixed up with your Sam, and her Sam mixed up with your Sam."
The other two women agree that this sounds like a very good idea.
The first woman says, "I think I'll name my Sam 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"
The three women hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second woman says, "Ok then, I'm going to name my Sam Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."
Again, the three of them hoot and holler and slap each other another high five.
Then, the third woman says, "You know, those two were good, but I'm going to name my Sam Jack Daniels."
The other two women shout in unison, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"
Grinning, the third woman exclaims, more...

Boy, it really galls my threads when these ignoramuses go off about how the Corvette crowd is 'over-restoring' cars! I say, restored means *exactly* as the factory did it, no matter what. I spent 95 weeks last year doing an accurate and complete ground-up restoration on my '67. And, let me tell you, some of those rubber and glass pieces are *really* hard to restore after grinding them up! Thankfully, the metal pieces are easy to remelt and form.
For some folks, simply applying a bit of overspray while painting is 'good enough.' I scoff at this. I meticulously copied onto the mufflers, droplet by droplet, the exact overspray pattern that was there originally. Even the runs and sags at the bottom of the door panels were duplicated. Your average 'restorer' will just slap some new paint on, calling it 'original' if it is the same color. Jeeez. I chemically removed every vestige of *the original paint*, then broke it down, reformulated it, and re-applied it. Sure, I had to use more...