Southern Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lovely southern belle we know is such a slow talker that by the time she got through assuring a friend of ours that she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

To Whom it May Concern:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:
There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and more...

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help... Hah Tu Spek Suthun: BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts." ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: more...

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far more...

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
Jawjuh - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
Munts - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."
All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
Far - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Bahs - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far more...

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...Hah Tu Spek Suthun:BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."FAR - noun. A conflagration.Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."BAHS - noun. A supervisor.Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.Usage: "Gee, I hope that more...