Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes

SPERM 1: Are we EVER going to reach the egg?
SPERM 2: Stop moaning, we've only just passed the tonsils.

Women one-liner
1. How many honest intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
2. Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Not one will stop to ask directions.
4. What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
5. How does a man show he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
6. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds eventually mature.
7. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
8. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened.
9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
11. Why are married women heavier than single more...

Women one-liner1. How many honest intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.2. Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Not one will stop to ask directions.4. What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.5. How does a man show he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.6. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds eventually mature.7. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.8. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened.9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.11. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge more...

Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes." Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked." Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming. Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though. And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, Go Back! IT'S A BLOW JOB!"

Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!

An 80-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow".
The next day, the 80-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Both hope that someday they'll be human.