Statue Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

A male pastor entered a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people noticed him.
As the room quieted down he approached the bartender and asked, "May I use the restroom, please?"
"I really don't think that's a good idea," the bartender replied.
"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"
"Well, I really don't think you should," insisted the bartender. "There's a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf."
"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"
So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom.
After a few minutes he came back out and the place was hopping with music and dancing again. He went to the bartender and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I don't understand. When I first came in here the place was more...

A statue of Kung Fu hero Bruce Lee was recently unveiled in Hong Kong, his family plans to produce a bio pic. Sadly, the "statue" was later discovered to be just one of those guys from the subway station who stands really still.

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can`t sit down!

In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C. Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim, I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described. To my great surprise, it did -- and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside.

After a moment's hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter. An unidentified reader had penned, "Good book, wasn't it?"

Rabbi in bar
A Rabbi walks into a bar to use the rest room. He walks up to the bartender, and asks "Can I please use the rest room?" The place was hoppin' with music, and dancin', till they saw the Rabbi. The bartender says, "I really don't think you should."
The Rabbi again, asks, "Can I please use the rest room?" Well, the bartender says to the Rabbi, "I really don't think you should, you see, there is a statue of a beautiful naked lady, and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"
The Rabbi responded with, "Nonsense a man of my stature will not be bothered by that statue!" Well, the bartender showed the Rabbi the door at the top of the stairs.
The Rabbi proceeded to the rest room, and after a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hoppin' with music and dancin' again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand, when I came in here, the place was hoppin' with music and dancin', then the more...

A vagrant, finding no place on the pavement, parked himself at the feet of a statue of Mahatma Gandhi. At midnight he was awakened by someone gently tapping him with a stick. It was the Mahatma himself.' You Indians have been unfair to me,' complained the benign spirit.' You put my statues everywhere; they show me standing or walking. My feet are very tired. Why can't I have a horse like the one Shivaji has? Surely, I did as much for the nation as he! And you still call me your BapuT
Next morning, the vagrant went round calling on the ministers. At long last he persuaded one to join him for a nightlong vigil at the feet of the Mahatma's statue. Lo and behold, as the iron tongue of the neighbouring police station gong struck the midnight hour, the Mahatma emerged from his statue to converse with the vagrant. He repeated his complaint of having to stand or walk, and his request to be provided a mount like the Chhatrapati's.
'Bapu,' replied the vagrant,' I am too poor to buy more...