Supper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for John. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls."
Tuesday: John wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when John brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday: Today John asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to John asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all 20 ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong more...

? Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.? Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.? Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.? For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.? Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.? This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.? Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.? A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.? At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.? The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen more...

Dear Diary,
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before more...

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."

The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."

The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"

She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."

Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the more...

15 actual announcements taken from church bulletins:
1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help.
2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister more...

An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to get food for the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what little these jobs would bring in. The dog was just a normal hound, with one exception: while most dogs like to chew on grass occasionally, Mace loved it. When the old man was in town, Mace would spend the day in the yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.
One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed into town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for food for the remainder of the week, if he managed the money carefully. He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his more...

The Cork born Father O'Connor's reputation for castigating the Brits from
the pulpit was legendary. However, the congregation in his new parish of
Boston, Mass., tired of him lambasting the Brits for the horrors they
inflicted upon the Irish for generations. Ultimately, the Archbishop opted
to send the good father to a small hamlet in the far reaches of Tennessee
where, His Grace said, "The folks know nothing of England and care less. So
Knock off the Brit bashing and you'll better serve Holy Mother Church."Several weeks later, when Father O'Connor stood into the pulpit to deliver
his first sermon to his new congregation, the local Bishop, who knew of
O'Connor's reputation, was in attendance to check up-on him."My dear brethren," Father O'Connor began, "this morning I'd like to talk
about The Last Supper."Not bad, though the Bishop. Safe enough ground."Now, the lesson to be learned from The Last Supper, more...